Trauma Filters

What are trauma filters, why do we have them, and how can we prevent them negatively impacting our behaviours? Trauma filters are filters (or screens or glasses) with which we look at the world when we are in an emotional flashback. Filters change the way we see people or things. We have them because ourContinue reading “Trauma Filters”

The Hope Paradox

This may seem like a negative thing to say about hope, but I’m going to say it anyway. Hope is good. We are wired for hope. Hope provides motivation. But as shouldaholics, we have to be super careful about what we then do to hope with our hypervigilance and perfectionist tendencies. Hope is designed toContinue reading “The Hope Paradox”

Conflicting Priorities

One of the hardest things for a shouldaholic to deal with is conflicting priorities.  For example, I want my child to eat dinner, but I want them to eat healthy food, and I want us to have a peaceful dinner time. Anyone who has kids knows that they aren’t always going to be hungry atContinue reading “Conflicting Priorities”

The Shouldaholic’s 5-Step Approach to Dealing with a Trigger (AGAIN)

Part of being a RECOVERING Shouldaholic is understanding our triggers. That means Awareness, Grounding, Analysis, Identifying Needs, and Navigating the next time (or AGAIN). I don’t think that we will be able to get to a point where we will not longer have triggers. I mean, maybe that could be a goal, like enlightenment orContinue reading “The Shouldaholic’s 5-Step Approach to Dealing with a Trigger (AGAIN)”

Boundaries Vs. Window of Tolerance

A lot of people talk about having healthy boundaries. But what exactly are boundaries and why do we get them confused? Why are boundaries important? How does that relate to our Window of Tolerance? This is a huge topic, so I’m just trying to give you a taste so that you can decide if thisContinue reading “Boundaries Vs. Window of Tolerance”